Welcome To The Reveal – Part 2

Therapy this morning. I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of our conversation, but I did discuss:

  1. My feelings over the changes/loss with r/DID. I talked to K. about struggling with being forward enough to make a solid decision on whether I’m going to stay or leave the remaining team.
  2. I talked about my anger response to the programming trigger in Carmen Sandiego.
  3. I talked about something I haven’t shared here yet — that I had to go back to the hospital for a 2nd mammogram and an ultrasound.
  4. And some friendly self-destructive/SI programming being thrown up across all my parts.
  5. I forgot to talk about a coworker of mine, also a HT survivor, who passed away after a 5-year battle with cancer.

I don’t really need to get into #4. K. gets very serious about combatting this programming (which makes sense). In response, my subsystems efforts to combat her addressing safety is fatiguing. It’s this internal pull back-and-forth. For now I’m safe which was the goal. My external support system is aware and checking in.

#5 not much I want to explore on that before I talk to my therapist. I think it’s pretty clear why it’s overwhelming for me.

Soooo #1 – #3, K. pointed out the following themes:

  • Abuse of power – and how this theme connects to times in the past
  • Loss of a support group – may also be kicking up loss of my therapy support group 2 years ago when COVID started
  • Stomach issues – have been seriously derailing us in therapy, like to the point where I’ve been crying out in pain. K. pointed out this started weeks ago when the r/DID problems started
  • Programming word trigger – how anger is an appropriate response
  • Hospital triggers – the medical & mental health hospital environments still hold strong reactivity for some of our parts

Lots to process. Lots of loss. Safety first. It’s hard.

Daily Crisis Continuum checks begin now.


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