I took a risk tonight, and I shared something really personal with someone I trust. To be fair, it was amidst a conversation where we were talking about other things that were emotionally charged for him. So, I don’t think he really heard me.
On one hand, one of my parts is okay that he didn’t hear me, because she understands he was not in a good headspace to receive the information. We know how that feels like–it happens to us every single Monday in therapy with K. She gives us feedback on something and I’m like, “What the heck are you talking about?” I get overwhelmed with traumatic material and lose content of the conversation.
On the other hand, one of my parts is devastated emotionally. We’ve come a long way to be in a space in life where we are choosing healthy, safe relationships and investing in them out of love, to care and grow, and be committed to this relationship for a lifetime. To tell someone of that significance the personal trauma trigger and share why–I mean, it was the wrong time, sure. It just happened, in the natural flow of the conversation. So, for this person to be in their own overwhelmed state and unable to hear what this child part shared was just…devastating.
Now she feels unhappy, to say the least. She’s struggling with low self-esteem and self-hatred, feelings of guilt, anxiety, and its overwhelming our brain power to cope. I can’t even grasp on to a symptom management skill long enough to employ it.
Uuuuughh….struggling really hard to vent the feelings in a safe way, that’s why we’re writing them out. I could use as many positive thoughts as you can throw my way right now.