Blaaaaargh. I’m sick.
I’m having weird symptoms like nausea and dizziness, but that’s it. No fever, no chills, no sinus issues, no pain. At first I thought I must have eaten something bad, and the dizziness is a result of dehydration.
I called out of work today. I had an appointment scheduled with our therapist, K. for this evening. I thought “Eh, it’s just a stomach bug, I’ll be able to go to my appointment tonight.” Then, I got hit with another wave of nausea. I called K. and cancelled the appointment.
This is my first cancelled appointment since she returned to practicing. Now, I’m starting to put some pieces of the puzzle together here…
K. and I have been attempting to work with Clara. Clara is a part who is newer to our awareness. Clara does not know me (Nel) or Mina (our other co-fronting part). K., Mina, and I have been working to try to earn Clara’s trust and help her recognize we are safe in the present. Understandably, Clara’s stuck in trauma time.
Now I’m wondering if Clara (or another part) is making us sick. It could be that by trying to listen to Clara and ask her questions, Clara or another part feels like it is an interrogation. Making us physically ill to the point where we can’t see K. sounds like a programming thing for sure.
Or I could have just eaten bad hot dogs yesterday. WHO KNOWS!
Discovering Serenity is revamped and fully live. It’s much simpler (for the time being), and I’m quite proud of its evolution.
My first set of posts, I am going to go over some of those fancy skills I’ve been talking about (which I learned at Sheppard Pratt). But first…an update!
I’m finally back into the swing-of-things with therapy. The adjustment back to working with K. (our therapist), has been long and difficult. Trust has waxed and waned. I’ve been highly self-critical when I find myself unable to open up/trust her.
“Nel,” K. said at our last session, “Go a little easier on yourself. Returning to therapy has been hard, and rightfully so.”
I cringe a bit, not even wanting her to allude to the fact that her abrupt leaving was detrimental. K. has always been so supportive and unconditionally believing in me, I hate to think anything negative about her. Then she says…
“After all, it’s been a whole year. We’re starting over.”
Starting over. I hadn’t thought of it that way. But–thinking this as starting over gave the whole scenario another voice. It silenced the inner-critic and allowed me to internalize the turn of the page to a new chapter.
Thus, how fitting it is that life has pulled me to this decision to revamp my blog.
Starting over, starting anew, one door closes and you open a window, however you want to look at it…let’s go!