Just An Update and A Dog

We had our normal phone therapy sessions this morning with K. We talked a bit more about the nature of our feelings. There’s been a lot of this general intense overwhelming mixed with terror. I’m not sure why yet, but I’m associating it with feeling like one is about to die, or wishing one would die to stop it all.

“It seems like we’re dealing with either some switching or programming that is exacerbating feelings.” K. commented at one point. “And shutting down any helpful strategies.”

I know she’s right. Yet, it’s even overwhelming to hear her voice logically comment.

I literally feel like I have stopped taking my psych meds, and my moods have gone haywire. However, I’m still taking my meds. I count them out every week to make it simple so I can just “grab and go” whatever pills I’m due to take at that point in the day.

Internal meetings are awkwardly quiet.

I love my husband, but I gotta say thank god for my dog. As I’m writing this, I’m focusing on how down/terrified/angry/overwhelmed I am. I’m starting to feel helpless, and then I hear my dog panting. I look around, and the goofball is laying on the floor, stretched out in a patch being warmed in the sun, overheated, and happy.

3 Comments

  1. Do you think it’s the time of year (aka Equinox and lead up with Lent/Easter)? it seems like after last years insanity a lot of people i know are having a harder time with that this year…

    1. You know what, I hadn’t made that connection, but I’m sure that is at least contributing to my instability. I have very specific trauma memories that I recall pretty well for this time of the year. Always something there worth processing.

      Sometimes I get distracted helping my husband plan for things like Passover and then I celebrate Easter. This happens with Chanukah/Christmas as well. Thanks for jogging my memory.

  2. This time of year has so many triggers for me. I tend to cope by having very low expectations of myself for a few weeks. Triage.

    Hope it gets easier soon. Good and healing thoughts to yous.
    Kate

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