We had our normal phone therapy sessions this morning with K. We talked a bit more about the nature of our feelings. There’s been a lot of this general intense overwhelming mixed with terror. I’m not sure why yet, but I’m associating it with feeling like one is about to die, or wishing one would die to stop it all.
“It seems like we’re dealing with either some switching or programming that is exacerbating feelings.” K. commented at one point. “And shutting down any helpful strategies.”
I know she’s right. Yet, it’s even overwhelming to hear her voice logically comment.
I literally feel like I have stopped taking my psych meds, and my moods have gone haywire. However, I’m still taking my meds. I count them out every week to make it simple so I can just “grab and go” whatever pills I’m due to take at that point in the day.
Internal meetings are awkwardly quiet.
I love my husband, but I gotta say thank god for my dog. As I’m writing this, I’m focusing on how down/terrified/angry/overwhelmed I am. I’m starting to feel helpless, and then I hear my dog panting. I look around, and the goofball is laying on the floor, stretched out in a patch being warmed in the sun, overheated, and happy.