End of group (check in before we end):
Me: “I think I did pretty good tonight. I was grounded. I was able to hear everyone’s feedback and give my own input. If I’m being honest though,” I take in a deep breath because I’m afraid of what is going to happen next, “I became internally aware we must be ending group, and I started having a lot of self-harm urges.”
K. gave us props for being honest. She moved on to the rest of the group members. She checked in on everyone’s safety plans for the night, then she came to me last. “Nel, you’re staying for a second right? And when I say second, I don’t mean it literally.”
Meg sighs. “Sure. But we’re gonna try to get it as close to literal as we can.”
It was an extra 25 minutes. Could have been worse.
It was weird, though. She asked trickery questions to discover just how much passive influence/vying for control was going on. Then, she pulled out some really shocking grounding.
Grounding example: She blows out a candle that has been burning all group. She asks me if I know what’s different about the candle? Looks like a regular off-white candle. Barely any scent. No, I have no idea what’s different.
“It’s not wax.” She points at the melted liquid around the wick. “It’s hand lotion.”
I must have had the biggest WTF look on my face.
I touched it. She was right.