It’s almost been 2 weeks since we’ve seen K. (our therapist). Snow storm hit in the beginning of the week, and so I’m a bit behind seeing her. Honestly, I needed a little break. Therapy has been tough.
Going through my regular night routine, and I’m preparing for tomorrow. I wanted to do some writing/internal communication about therapy.
I imagine tomorrow we’re going to follow up on the possibility of recorder/reporting parts. I am terrified for multiple reasons to discuss this. On one hand, I think I’m having some passive influence of Clara’s terror. On the other hand, I’m having super rejection sensitive dysphoria (intense emotional response to the perception of disappointing/failing others–even when no actual rejection has taken place). In other words, someone (maybe Clara again?) is afraid that K. will withdraw her care or abandon us if we continue to talk about this.
All of this is overwhelming, awful, and at times unbearable. We’re not even sure where to start with grounding when we hit this level. It’s a level of yuck feeling that isn’t really addressed on our Crisis Continuum.